Couples Counselling

Who this is for

I work with couples across the whole range: early relationship friction, long-term partners who have drifted, money, parenting, sexuality, and time. I also work with couples after an affair. A growing area of specialty for me is high conflict separation and divorce, separation agreement navigation, co-parenting and parallel parenting, which are very different things and often confused, parental alienation, and how to manage two separate households.

Signs and experiences you might recognize

• The same argument keeps repeating with different words
• One or both of you has stopped bringing things up at all
• Trust has been broken and you do not know what comes next
• You are co-parenting through hostility
• You are considering separation but have not said it out loud
• You are separated and the conflict has not ended

My approach to this work

I do not take sides. I give each person equal air time and I reserve the right to interrupt and share the talking space between you. In life there is almost always nuance, pluses and minuses on both sides of a situation. Each partner tends to focus on their own pluses and the other's minuses. My job is to get both the pluses and the minuses of both sides onto the table without judgement or blame, so nothing important is left out.

If only one of you wants to come

If only one partner comes, that person becomes my client. I explain that if I hold confidentiality with them, extending or disclosing it later would require written permission if the other partner joins. I also explain that everything disclosed beforehand may become open to discussion, because keeping track of what I can and cannot say to a second party is not a reasonable expectation. It usually comes down to whether you expect to be working with me alone, and whether your partner genuinely wants to be there. Being forced into therapy is not a good foundation for a therapeutic relationship.

Separation, the court system, and costly decisions

I know a fair amount about how the family court system functions and what people can expect if they end up in it. One thing I notice repeatedly is that people make expensive emotional decisions in the first months or years of a separation, decisions that could have been reconsidered, avoided, or at least better understood in terms of their long-term consequences. Slowing that down is often the most valuable work we do.

What to expect in sessions

Sessions are sixty minutes, and ninety minute sessions are available when a couple needs more room. I begin by explaining the limits of confidentiality for both of you, then ask each of you separately what brought you in and what you hope will be different. Early sessions are mostly about mapping the pattern: what happens between you, in what order, and what each of you is protecting. Later sessions focus on changing that sequence rather than relitigating who was right.

Where sessions happen

Couples work is offered in person on the Sunshine Coast, from Gibsons through to Pender Harbour, and by secure video when travel or scheduling makes that difficult. In person is generally my preference for couples, because so much of the useful information lives in the space between two people in a room.